12 bibs in 12 months continues within the tsunami of the Parole Board of Canada and legal system of our country and has nearly drowned me these past 4 months. He received full parole. The man (my father) who murdered my Mother. Robbed me of real love and 'family'. Took away my rights as a child and human being. Abused my heart and soul and expelled me into the labels of "orphan, murder, and victim" is now a free man.
Carried grief. Carried trauma. New grief. New trauma. My vessels swirled again within the familar tornado of uncontrollable violent deathly winds. 2016 began with my intention to trust. Trust myself, trust my intuition again, trust and embrace my vulnerability and I will perservere by moving forward one step at a time.
On January 19, the first of 47 encounters with CSC and PBC began. How do I begin to trust, when the systems of this country continue to place murderer's rights above the rights of survivors like myself? Where do I go when I am vomitted into the disgusting filth of the continuous flaws of our law and systems? I turn to my heart which leads me to my creator, God.
Love endures all things 1 Corinthians 13:7-8
I am an endurance expert. When I trust that I have endurance, when I place my trust in Him, I live authentically and in that place of love, not only do I survive -- I fly!!
The blessings and value in these drowning waters have lifted me and connected me to hearts of amazing people placed perfectly in His timing. The power of connection is becoming a mirror of light before my eyes and fueling my heart with unity. A flock has embraced my flight and I am flying in V-formation with teamwork, communication, grace, connection and love. HONK!
The appalling truth of trauma is, it freezes me. I get stuck, I get smothered, my voice dissapears and I feel invisible. However, I am no longer stuck alone and I am not invisible. I am connected, held and embraced. I believe in integrity, honesty, passion, failure, grace, and love. I choose to share my truth, my pain and my joy, for my own healing and to hopefully touch the hearts of others so that they too can, "tell their heart to beat again" - Danny Gokey